When I got married I had this fear of loosing Chaz. I had a fear that something bad would happen and he would die. I hated the thought of living without him...I didn't think I could go on living without him. Now that we have a baby I have the same fear with her. I just keep thinking about something bad happening to her. It scares me. I don't think I would ever be happy again.
I feel that I am so lucky with all that I have. My dream has come true. Why me though? There are so many people that want to have kids and they can't. Why did God chose to bless me? I feel like things are just too good, like something bad needs to happen to even things out.
I tell myself to stop worrying because it is just taking away happy moments....but that doesn't work. I should just be more trusting that God is good and that he will continue to bless me even through a bad situation. If only I didn't worry about things.....I guess that comes with being human...
1 comment:
I've had those same fears... especially the one about everything is going too good - something bad is bound to happen to even it out. I have gotten stuck in these thoughts, and I've had to pray constantly about them at times. In talking with one very wise friend, I realized that these fears or negative expectations (which I always thought were just a way of preparing my mind for the worst so that I could "handle" it if something bad really did happen) make God very sad. He really wants to bless us, and He takes delight in seeing us happy! I had to ask Him for forgiveness, and then I had to ask and rely on Him to take these worries away. I've felt a lot more peace since, but there are still moments the thoughts slip back in... then I have to ask again. I think, for me, a lot of it is trusting God to take care of me... rather than counting on myself to be able to control/handle everything that comes my way.
-Jen
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